Of Tea Parties and Trees
by Transient Joy
Summary: Inspired by episode 366/chapter 619. The Edo Tensei Hokage have a tea party...and discuss their deaths. Crackish.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**A.N: This is what I come up with when exams have fried my brain. And I really should be studying for Maths.**

**I might have made the Nidaime a little OOC...oops. He deserves it though.**

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It was a cold night for Konoha, cold enough for snow. It was a feat uncommon in such a warm climate as snow renowned to the lands of Fire Country. But when met with snow, the villagers embraced it and for a couple of hours, even the most industrious of shinobi were found cavorting in the white blankets of snow.

But tonight, there would be no raucous laughter and shouts of glee as children tumbled though the sleet. No, mothers locked their doors and hid somber faces as they prayed for the war to end. To end so that their children wouldn't have to experience it, not like they did.

It wasn't a good night. Not too far off, but which felt a world away too some, a war waged. The Forth Shinobi War, too be precise. Distantly, explosions could be heard and the malevolent feeling that emerged couldn't be ignored. It wasn't hard to tell where is was coming from.

In the distance eight figures could be seen scattered about. A closer look would reveal four of those figures huddled in discussion chatting together rather animatedly, or rather three of them were. The other looked on with a look of disgruntlement at the fact that his jutsu was being used, _yet again_ _by that damn Orochimaru brat. _

The four were none other than the previous Hokage of Konohagakure. They were the strongest shinobi in the entire village and were entrusted with the leadership of the village, until they died of course.

So how was it possible that they were sitting around a table in the flesh? Er, I mean bodies of Zetsu. No that's not right. What was it? Ahhh yes. Clones of Senju Hashirama. Who was also the Shodai Hokage. Also, one of the figures around the table.

The previous dead Hokage were brought back to life by the Impure World Reincarnation Technique, or rather Edo Tensei. This was of course, right after they were snatched out of the Shinigami's stomach because one could not use Edo Tensei if said person being resurrected, had their soul sealed in the Shinigami. Like the Hokage. All of them.

Orchimaru, the person responsible for this, was able to accomplish the task with the use of a mask which found in a shrine whose whereabouts and _existence_ were suspiciously unknown till now. Huh, one would think that the _Uzumaki _shrine, found just outside the village, would have been found by _Uzumaki _Naruto in, say, I don't know, the last seven years.

Regardless, this mask was found in an array of masks hung on the walls of the Uzumaki shrine, which was suspiciously unmentioned _till now_- oh wait, did I already say that?

Said mask allowed for the release of the imprisoned souls in order to be reanimated in bodies found in spores in Sasuke. Let's take a second to consider that.

This whole endeavor by the way, was meant as a teaching lesson for Uchiha Sasuke. A teaching lesson which his could have received in the Academy if he had taken a moment away from his ambition "to kill a certain someone."

Because vowing to become and avenger and restoring his clan were such health dreams for an eight year old. Nothing like the responsibility of carrying on an entire bloodline resting on your shoulder to make you feel better.

I suppose hordes of fangirls throwing themselves at you would make things easier, but wait what happened to them. Oh right, you went all psycho and ran to a creepy Snake Pedophile- I mean Snake _Sannin_, after he gave you a hickey- I mean _curse mark_. Damn what's wrong with me? Stupid keyboard. Right, that's not even mentioning the wings and black lipstick. If that doesn't turn a girl off, I don't know what does.

Huh? What was I talking about again?

Oh right, the Edo Tensei Hokage talking. The previous leaders of Konoho were situated around a small circular table. Wood, of course, it was created by the sole wielder of Mokuton. Oh wait, not sole anymore.

There was Tenzo, who was experimented on and injected as a baby with the cells of Senju Hashirama- by Orochimaru no less. There was Obito, wait do the Hokage know this yet? *Cough* There was _Tobi, _whose body was repaired by the Hashirama clone of Zetsu. And of course, the recently resurrected Madara, whom everyone was familiar with, who also implanted the Shodai's cells.

Anyway, the Shodai was the first Mokuton user, so that should count as something. Really then, couldn't they table have been bigger? All four Hokage were squashed around it as they conversed with each other.

"It's cozy," replied the Shodai, grinning as he scratched the back of his head.

The Nidaime, Senju Tobirama, crossed his arms, ignoring the wincing of the Yondaime as his sharp elbow stabbed his fellow Kage.

"Really Aniki? We've been stuck in the Shinigami's stomach all this time, you'd think you could afford us some luxury?"

"That's what the tea is for. Only best in the entire fire country," replied the Shodai

The Yondaime scratched his head, "Huh where did that come from? And we're dead, shouldn't we not eat or drink anything."

"Nonsense, it tastes wonderful."

"I'd rather have sake," muttered the Nidaime under his breath.

"Hehe, why don't we talk about some important things right now," asked the Shodai taking a sip of his tea.

In the distance, Hōzuki Suigetsu relaxed. The God of Shinobi was on the job. Now he didn't have to be worried about the war, or Orchimaru stealing his body.

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime Hokage, cleared his throat, "Yes of course, the problem at hand. Madara and the Juubi."

The Shodai blinked before laughing loudly, "No, I mean our deaths."

Suigetsu's sweat dropped. He was doomed.

"Yes, we're dead, what about it," asked the Nidaime slowly as if he was talking to a child.

The Shodai grinned, "We should all catch up, and discuss how we all died."

"That's an excellent idea, Lord First, you start," grinned Minato sunnily. It was a grin not unlike his son Naruto's, which adorned his face pretty much always.

"I really think we should focus-"started Hiruzen.

"Well, you see, I died nobly for the village," smiled the Shodai, thinking back fondly to his death.

"And…" prompted the sudden onlookers to the conversation, Suigetsu and Juugo. They had become increasingly curious to what the Hokage were talking about, well Suigetsu was.

He had just dragged Juugo along as he was terrified at the rampage the orange head would cause when he realised Sasuke and Orochimaru had mysteriously disappeared. *Cough* Of course, it was probably nothing, but Suigetsu wasn't taking any changes with the crazy Juugo who went wild every now and again.

"That's it, that's all that happened," replied the Hashirama.

Suigetsu pouted, he was curios to find out how the mighty God of Shinobi had died. Too bad he wasn't sharing anything.

Yeah, it had nothing to do with the fact that a said author *Cough* Kishimoto *Cough* wouldn't give an iota to how the strongest shinobi of them all had died. But rather went on in detail to recollect Sasuke's past so many times to the fact that there are plot holes.

"I died sealing Orochimaru's arms in the Shinigami," said Hiruzen suddenly.

No-one responded for a moment.

"He has his arms now," said the Nidaime.

*Crickets*

The Sandaime nodded sadly.

Lets take a moment to reflect that the Sandaime died for nothing.

*Cough* "Your next, Tobirama" said Hashirama, nudging the Nidaime quickly.

Tobirama grumbled under his breath for the next minute, something about troublesome brothers, before replying.

"I died sacrificing myself as a decoy against the Kinkaku Force, so my squad could escape."

"WAAA, you sacrificed yourself? Why the hell would you do that?" asked a startled Suigetsu who had fallen over.

Tobirama glared at him, "Hmph, it was a noble death."

"It was, Sensei," replied Hiruzen solemnly, patting his mentor on the shoulder.

"Kumo, to think they defeated our own Nidaime," said Minato shaking his head.

Tobirama sniffed haughtily, "I was surrounded by an elite force with the Kinkaku brothers wielding the Tools of the Sage of Six Paths."

Minato nodded, "Of course. I fought the Yondaime Raikage once, I was faster than him."

The Nidaime raised an eyebrow, "Is that how you died?"

Minato laughed, "No, no. I died protecting the village by sealing the Kyuubi after it attacked the village."

"Huh? What happened to its jinchuuriki?" questioned the Shodai quizzically.

Minato sombered, "A masked man calling himself Madara appeared when the seal was at its weakest and stole the Kyuubi. He took control of the Kyuubi using his Sharingan and turned the bijuu upon the village."

"Yes, _that_ is what we should be talking about," said Hiruzen sternly. Despite being the visibly oldest in the group, he was promptly ignore by all its members.

"Well it's a shame, you're the youngest out all of us to die," said the Shodai.

"To seal such a creature in you newborn son, Minato, takes a whole lot to do. He had a tough life." said Hiruzen.

Of course, it would have been better if, I don't know, said Hokage had _done_ _something_ about it. Anything really, a family, a better home, a mentor, or I know, someone to explain to him why the_ entire village hated his very existence. _

"You have a son, Yondaime?" asked the Shodai.

Minato grinned proudly, "Yes, his name is Naruto."

Hashirama nudged his brother again, "Really Tobirama, couldn't you have gotten married and had kids? Look how young the Yondaime died, and he still managed it."

The Nidaime scoffed, "After your spawns, I didn't want to risk it."

Hashirama gasped, "Spawn?!"

Tobirama sighed, "You right, it wasn't all your fault. It was your wife's too."

A low, "Ohh, he did not just go there," echoed in the background.

Hashirama growled lowly, banging his fist on the table, successfully spilling the now cold tea. "You take that back. Don't you dare insult my Mito!"

Tobirama shrugged his shoulders, "What can I say, she was an Uzumaki."

Minato frowned, joining the fight, "My wife was Uzumaki Kushina. What are you trying to say?"

Tobirama raised an eyebrow at him, "And how did your son turn out?"

"Actually Naruto-kun is leading the Allied Forces against Madara right now," answered Orochimaru appearing out of thin air with a visibly ruffled Sasuke behind him.

"Oi Sasuke? What were you doing for so long," shouted Suigetsu.

The raven head's expression didn't change, "Hn. We should go."

Nobody noticed the starry eyed, dazed expression on Minato's face. Naruto had done it. His little boy was fighting a war. He was so proud of him, and now he was going to be able to tell him that.

Yes, nobody noticed his musings until he tripped over a branch and face palmed right into a tree.

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